My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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