hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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