Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
