Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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