Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
