Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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