Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
