Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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