Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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