My underwear smells like fireworks.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
