i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The power of my boobs compel you
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
