uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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