I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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