ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
