There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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