Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
