wakey wakey hands off snakey
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
