so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
