well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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