Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
