I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
