my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
