hotel room ftw
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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