i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
