the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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