I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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