I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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