Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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