sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
did you just send me my own nude
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
