No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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