idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
