My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
