I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
