In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
