Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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