Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
