She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
But theres a keg here and me gusta
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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