remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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