90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
