I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
