it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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