Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
