remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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