I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
