i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
