meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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