I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
