It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
