He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
