He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
