Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
