Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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