The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
