I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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