This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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