don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
