Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just google imaged poop.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
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Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
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just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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