god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Acid is not a monday night drug
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
