I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You need Xanax blowdarts
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
