we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
