Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
